What It's Like to Be ADHD and Black

0:00Hello brains. As our channel has grown and I've gotten to know ADHD brains all around the world I've learned two things. One, our ADHD struggles are really similar, Give me one second let me plug the phone in. Hi I'm Stacey. I have ADHD. My place is a mess. (laughs) And two, our ADHD experiences are often different. (intro music) I could have exactly the same ADHD presentation and severity of symptoms as the next person

0:29and still have a very different lived experience of ADHD. Some of the factors that create those differences in our experience are individual like me having a brother with more severe challenges led to mine not being taken seriously Some factors are related to gender or comorbidities, such as learning disabilities anxiety or depression. And there are cultural factors as well, like being black. Being black and having ADHD There are several different layers we battle. One of them is our own community and in my case is my own family Unfortunately, I was very much abused by my parents. So what a lot of what ADHD people talk about -

1:06people calling them stupid or weird or dumb - for me, that was my house. That was where it came from. People say, "why do you have to make it about race?" Just like there's nothing that my neurodiversity doesn't affect in my life there's nothing that my race doesn't affect in my life whether it's a positive effect or a negative effect it's just all part of who I am

1:26I bring that experience to everything that I touch. Because I started this channel as a toolbox to help me deal with the ADHD struggles I personally face, I haven't really explored the intersectionality between ethnic diversity and neurodiversity. But this community I'm proud to say includes people from countries and cultures from all over the world. So it's important to understand how those factors play in and to learn from each other how we can support. So for this video I interviewed 13 people from four countries around the world about their experience being black and neurodiverse (music) I'm a psychotherapist and ADHD coach located in Brooklyn, New York and I work with adults who are diagnosed with ADHD

2:09centered on codependency, racial identity, and acceptance of their ADHD diagnosis People call me Diyah Najah. I'm a special education teacher and I'm also a printmaker and a mixed-media artist. I have ADHD and I am An artist and I help people to follow up their creativity. I'm a writer blogger musician and sometimes technical expert.

2:35So I'm very open about the fact that I have ADHD I also have kids with special needs. So I have a son with autism and a daughter with some developmental things, too -- sensory processing disorder, ADHD. I enjoy working with those patients and everybody enjoys sending them to me. So that's what I ended up doing. I got my preliminary diagnosis only last year. I just turned 40 in April

2:57It's about my year anniversary of being diagnosed. I was first diagnosed when I was 24-25 when I was just starting out my career as a newscaster I don't remember getting the information that made me feel like, "oh, this is an emergency," you know? So I literally went on about life, forgot about the ADHD diagnosis like

3:21literally forgot I had it. It was 10 years between, well around 10 years between them saying I've got anger management issues to the fact I'm autistic being picked up. My mental health journey started in April of 1992 after a suicide attempt None of this was done as a cry for help. This was - I wanted the pain to be over. At that point it was so many years of being told

3:46how worthless I am. So I did battle depression way before I was diagnosed with ADHD. I have been in and out of hospital, psychiatric hospital, at least 10 times, 10 inpatient visits. I've been in daily outpatient I've been in extended day treatment I've spent a lot of time working on my mental health and getting to a place where I

4:12know what to do when I feel like I'm spiraling. The diagnosis of ADHD feels like, "okay this is just a hindrance. If I ignore it long enough, it will just go away and then I can move on with life." When I finally accepted it I was like, it's such a relief because you're like instead of working against something that's inherently part of me I can finally like just work with it and try to figure out how I can use it to my advantage and how I can

4:36work alongside it so that I don't end up fighting myself. My son has ADHD and he was diagnosed as a child in middle school about seven years ago. But when you have to deal with all the trials and tribulations that your child has with ADHD, and especially being a black boy, many of the things that happened for him when he was inattentive or didn't remember to turn in his homework or if he was disruptive at all he was just labeled as a bad kid or a kid

5:03that wasn't smart, where that was not the case. So I had to do a lot of fighting to even get them to give him a test for ADHD. Dealing with all that you know paperwork and things like that, I had no time for myself to try and get myself diagnosed. I can't speak for everybody but the way

5:16I got diagnosed in my 50s. I can't speak for everybody but the way intersectionality works is that I start to feel like how many streets am I at the intersection of exactly? I was searching one night on Google for the black experience with ADHD, and there was nothing and Black, woman, neurodivergent, queer, I was searching on night on Google for the Black experience with ADHD and there was nothing. And since there wasn't, I was like, well, you know somebody's got to talk about it

5:44(music) Well, first of all in the black community, we really don't talk about mental health especially if you're family is from the Caribbean. It's just if anything's wrong you go to church you talk to God and I mean that works for some people faith isn't the answer for everyone though. People like, "oh, my therapist is Jesus

6:04Jesus is my therapist, you know, like I go to church and pray about that." I can't speak to people who are in their 20s now but traditionally in African-american culture mental health issues are just like, "mm, nope. Nope." There's the stereotype of black women. The assumption is that we're always strong. We always have it. Any challenge that there is we can get around it. In some ways

6:29It's used somewhat as a motivational thing. But I think far too often it sometimes results on us feeling like we can't tell people, "Hey, I'm hurting right now. I need help." Black people have had serious issues with the medical community. We've been experimented on. We've been given drugs that that were supposed to be one thing and were really another. We've been

6:55subject for sterilization. There's a lot of reason for the black community to not trust doctors. There was a lot of experiments performed. There's a lot of dismissing of symptoms. There's a lot of health disparities in psychiatry in general, which I did not know this until I was reading "Neurotribes," has a large history of eugenics. There's very much a stigma around

7:18ADHD in the African-American community. Not so much as a stigma as much as it goes unrecognized. A lot of people view it as an excuse. It's not necessarily a disorder that if managed properly can actually help a student go further. They're more like, "Oh, if someone -- if so-and-so is bringing up ADHD, they're like trying to get out of

7:39being punished or they're trying to make up an excuse for something they didn't do." There's also the whole mentality of, "it's a white people problem. Blacks can't have ADHD. Blacks cant have bipolar. Blacks can't have autism." If you're coming from an environment in which behavioral issues at school or failing grades are not directly linked to a disability the disciplinary response is gonna be a lot different and for me

8:08that disciplinary response was very physical, was abusive. As a culture, it's on us to fix ourselves and you don't go to doctors for this you don't go to therapists for this. The one blessing from when I woke up from the suicide attempt is I didn't want to take my life anymore. And so I knew that I needed to do something to not spiral. I had to go to the psych ward at the hospital. That was the most wonderful

8:35peaceful time of my entire life was in the psych ward. I didn't have to fake that I was okay, and there were people there to actually care. I'd never had that in my entire life. I never had someone tell me that my feelings were valid even though they weren't the "norm." Black people are more concerned with diagnosis in the sense, "I don't want them

9:00just trying to put a label on my child," which is something you do have to worry about in the black community. "My child is just being a normal kid, and they just want to put a label on them." But on the other end there's lots of people that are under diagnosed because a lot of the, you know, kids that are presenting with behavior problems are kids that maybe are struggling in school

9:18that are kids of color, black or indigenous specifically. They just think they just don't know it, like they're not looking for anything else. So it's kind of a two-edged sword with trying to balance the parents' concern of over diagnosing and then the truth that some kids are under diagnosed. I'm not trying to say this like, "all black people are poor," but a lot especially in like inner cities. We live in places that don't have you know a lot of funds and if there's something that's behind a paywall that's not going to get a lot of high priority -- Food, bills, electric, all that stuff. That's gonna come first. Mental health? Honestly is just as important, but

9:55we're again taught that it's not.

10:01(music) You have to appear white facing and you are rewarding white facing and adhering to the predominant cultures values right? Adhering to that. If we have an diagnosis that affects how we emote and regulate, what does that look like for, you know, a black person living in America? Where you as so much as sneeze and you are punished or demonized or criminalized for it? You have to tell someone you're autistic, but there's no getting away from the fact that I'm black like you can't just guess that Even more than the average community being neat, being tidy,

10:38keeping your appearance up. Those things are important. You don't want to look scruffy or suspicious, right? That's what we were taught, growing up, to keep us safe. So if you can't be neat, and you look slovenly. It's like, "oh what white people think?" At my various jobs depending on what I feel from other people is the level that I let out. When I do go to church everything's masked. It's like a new kind of

11:04code-switching for me. You learn very quickly to survive in a in a non-person of color's world to be viewed even close to being equal or at least to not be viewed as being ignorant or an animal you need to speak the same vernacular. You need to use the same verbs. You need to use the same punctuation when typing messages to people. As the non-people of color around you but at the flip side when you're around people of color there's a certain way that we speak. The problem over

11:36the decades is one has been viewed as better and one has been viewed as worse. So when I found it I had ADHD and I met my friend Renee we did we did a YouTube collab and they watched it and they said, "you have ADHD?" "Yes, yes I do you didn't notice all this time that I had ADHD?"

11:58So clearly I've been masking for a long long long time. I think there's some also some old-school approaches to things in some black communities just of making sure you're also careful with your vulnerability. I think my parents maybe had good intentions for this like, "well when you go to work make sure you don't talk about these things because you don't want them to think that you're weak. You don't want them to think that you need more assistance than your colleagues do." Far too long that kind of resulted in me silencing myself

12:32(music) ADHD label and anxiety and depression did kind of like make me stumble a little because of the stigma of mental health. People don't treat you well, when they know you have mental health issues and it's really shitty like there's no reason for that. I've heard all the names. I've been called retarded, slow, rain man, and those are the nicer names.

13:01I'm quite loud and if I get passionate about something whether I'm happy or sad, I just sound angry. And I'm just the angry black woman. It there's just loads of different things like that a part of my being and identity that mean I do always feel out of place. So the stereotypes seeing everything constantly in the news cycle. It's great that it is there but it just reminds you of all the things that you've experienced in this and the times that you've kind of tried to forget because holding on to that stuff --

13:27it just makes you go out into the world with like a sense of "what is the point?" Like I'm not valued. If I get pulled over and I know to the best of my ability of me not quickly trying to text my wife going, "where's where's the paperwork in your car?" 'Cause I don't know, like she has her car. I have my car right now. I have no idea what's in the glove compartment. I've not had a ticket since I was 18. I get stopped by cops and my son who, we have four kids, he's the youngest,

13:53I know I have to have the talk with him and most black men have it with their sons. You have a talk of how to, speak speaking of code-switching, of how to present yourself if you are ever, when you ever encounter police. You know the impulsivity piece is what scares me the most but what I just tell my son is yes keep your hands where they can see them. Do not be afraid and you know if there's any kind of problem we can handle it when we get home and

14:21it's really difficult to have to have that conversation and sometimes that conversations doesn't matter. Earlier this week, I want to say it was Tuesday. I talked about how I was out running and I had a police cruiser coming towards me, intentionally slow down, go past me U-turn, and follow me for about a block and a half until I stopped

14:42middle of the street, turned around, and looked dead at him, and then he drove off. I had two thoughts and I'm just gonna be very explicit about this. One was my wife and kids know I love them. And that was hard. But that's what we deal with on a daily basis. And the other thought was if he's going to kill me,

15:02he's going to have to look me in the eyes to do it. He's not doing -- I'm not giving him my back. If he's gonna kill me, you're not getting my back. You got to look me in the eye, human being to human being and be okay with pulling a trigger, stepping on the gas, whatever you were gonna do. A conversation that's happening right now

15:20that's big is, "are the police safe people for us to call if we're in the middle of a mental health crisis?" And that's a terrifying question for black Americans because you can be in the middle of a mental health crisis and however that looks for you. If it looks like screaming, yelling, expressing your pain it could unfortunately result in your death if the police don't know how to handle that situation. What's happening in the black lives movement currently in the US and the UK is not an isolated thing. In Kenya we've been having issues with

15:51police brutality and extrajudicial killings. Killings where it seems like they're different rules for different people. A lot of people are getting sick and tired of this and it's getting to a point where they want to take it into their own hands and they're trying to cause change and it's because they've basically been ignored for so long.

16:10In Canada. There's a lot of racism and xenophobia. There's a lot of racism towards our indigenous community A lot. I find myself a lot in predominantly white settings So I'm racially "othered" as well as on top of feeling out of place because I'm autistic and I don't vibe with everyone in the same way that they all just seem to get this. When I was growing up, I just thought that feeling of not belonging was because I was the only like two black kids in a class of 30. Like I thought it was just that I didn't realize that it was that I was autistic. Basically I got

16:42labeled as having anger management issues. I believe looking back now because I was from a single-parent household, I was the black child in the class, I was loud, I was "defiant." Okay, I was defiant sometimes. I was a bit of a naughty kid, but it was only because things weren't being done in a way that an autistic child needs them to be done. So the prejudices of my race meant that it took longer for me to be diagnosed I've had I had a therapist once tell me "Oh, I'm shocked to see a black person here because you guys have survived slavery." I've had therapists that the only

17:14analogies they felt they could use with me had to be basketball-related. White female therapists have hit on me. As a survivor of sexual abuse as a kid, that's a trigger. I remember telling my wife this last time I was looking I said if I don't find someone now, I don't know what happens. There are so many things that we have to deal with on a daily basis. So there are those like microaggressions, you know, somebody asking, you know, about your hair or sometimes people assume that I'm a single mom. You know, without even knowing so you have those things that you're dealing with and then you're doing with you know

17:49being able to like handle your job. If you have your executive functioning issues, you know, are you able to disclosure ADHD or not? Because you're already sometimes looked at as somebody who might not be able to do what you're doing. So maybe you're "lazy" or "oh, you have to leave because your kid has, you know,

18:03another IEP meeting?" When you have dark skin. You're a person of color there's just so many stereotypes that people have that are just like in the media and even not seeing people who look like you in high places. It's really hard to see yourself there, too. And even when you get there it's hard to stay there because people around you might put you down or say you don't deserve to be there. We are kind of conditioned to just you know, take it and put it, you know, compartmentalize it and then move on with your day,

18:37because it's what has happened for so long and it gets really tiring and upsetting and it's scary. Scary to have to live it, it's exhausting to live that way and we shouldn't have to. If you're a black person you're dealing with mental health it's one thing that you suffer in silence and you suffer inside with a lot of factors buried on you. It's another thing to be screaming your head off and no one hear you because now I'm exhausted,

19:06vulnerable, hurt, and still, no one heard me.

19:11I think if I could make the world different the main thing that I would want is for people to be able to see the humanity in each other because in order for people to mistreat people and other them the way that they do they have to dehumanize them. I want a world where my daughter has

19:31support for her ADHD so that she can shine in the ways that she already does shine. Shine even brighter. I want a world where schools are funded in a way that's equitable. I don't want any other women or people and just in general but specifically black women or women of color to have to just fumble around in the dark for so long

19:56wondering what's wrong with them. I don't want people to feel like it's so embarrassing to think that, "Oh I might be flaky because of this" or to hear all of the negativity associated with ADHD and reject that even if that might be you because you've been told you should feel another way about yourself, you know? I don't want another black woman to feel like she has to deny everything about herself if she's struggling with this. That she should just

20:22seek help about it and talk about it because there's ways to manage it. Mental health affects all of us, even if it's not a diagnosis, it's living with someone. It's like being friends with one of us and mental health should not be called against us, but it also should not be seen as a weakness. That's why I have to represent for my students because I have to let them know you have gifts and we have

20:45deficits. We have to lean into our gifts and accommodate for the challenges. God not only made us this color but he made our brains wired this way for a reason and when you understand that I think that that can be your magical power in this world, especially in this time to understand what your strengths are and how you can show up in the world like that,

21:05understanding your strengths instead of fighting against things that you just aren't that good at anyway. I'm not gonna give up my ADHD for the world. Anybody comes and says you want to trade? No. The schools are gonna tell you, the teachers are gonna tell you, the world is gonna tell you, "you got to do better.

21:22Why are you doing it this way? What's wrong with you? Why do you think that way?" and guess what? Because I am the person I am and I think the way I think I also have gifts within me that are uniquely me and no one else and you have the same thing within you.

21:38People with ADHD: the world needs your ear and your innovations right now. There has to be room for every voice to be heard and for every person who needs a safe space to have one. Every day, learn something new, talk to somebody different, and just learn something. You take lead on some of the conversations with other white people and explain why things are wrong and don't leave that burden

22:01to black people because we're tired of doing that. We are really tired. Prioritizing yourself is an absolutely okay thing to do. Making sure that you are as good as you can be is the best way that you can help others. I know being new to something. It can feel like if you don't have the answer

22:20that people aren't going to listen. This is especially big on the internet when people say if you if you don't know what we're talking about don't participate in the conversation. Definitely don't shy away from participating in the conversation. Ask all the questions. Get involved in any way you can and there's definitely a community that's going to wrap their arms around me.

22:39Don't let your potential discomfort prevent you from being able to reach in where you can. If it can be answered by Google go and give it a search and I think the thing that you need to come to a black person for is their experience. You're not gonna get that off the Internet when it comes to having conversations with a black person. If they're your friend or even if there's someone who you feel comfortable enough to ask who's online,

23:05understand that they might not be in the headspace to have that conversation when you're when you want to have it. I think the best thing we can all do is learn the historical context of this because it's beyond policing. It's about, you know, just there not being an equal playing ground from just the get-go,

23:25you know, of this country and that's been another thing that's kept black people feeling a certain way. You know? I have to work three times as hard to be half as successful or to appear half as smart and that's even if I get the opportunity We need people to prioritize lifting voices of color in a community that desperately

23:50needs them more often than when it's a trending hashtag. We need it. No one should have to die for us to have these conversations. Doing better and valuing black lives is a part of that conversation always. Thank you so much for watching. There was so much more I wanted to include but it would have been honestly five hours long.

24:10The point is these are conversations that need to happen. It can be intimidating. It was scary for me to talk to people and not feel like I exactly knew what I was doing, but these conversations are important because without them we can't understand each other. We can't support each other and we can't be the community that we know we can be. Check out the links in the description. Let's keep these conversations going. How To ADHD will be donating the YouTube profits from this video and any video watched on our channel through the end of July

24:382020 to organizations that specifically support mental health in the black community. Thank you to my brain board and all my patreon brains for supporting the channel while we took over a month to focus on this this one very important video. and thank you to all those who shared their stories you can find links to their website, social media, everything in the links below. One of the things I love about our community is it has always been an inclusive,

24:57safe place for people to talk and share their struggles. Let's make sure that's true for everybody. Bye brains! (music)