When Your Life Sucks. This is The Move.

0:02very useful to not ignore keeping yourself on the path. Mhm. Cuz once you say, "Oh, this doesn't apply to me. I don't need that." Whatever. I don't know. Yeah. So, yeah. Good tip there. All right. First question. I'm writing because I I need advice and don't have anyone else to turn to. Your podcast played a major role in changing my life after my daughter was born in 2023 and getting me on the path, including starting Jiu-Jitsu. I have a 2-year-old daughter. Her mother and I have had a volatile relationship from the beginning. Early on, I was wrong be- and became physic- physical during arguments. Later, she had people come to

0:38our home and assault me, resulting in hospitalization and a year-long protection order that caused me to miss my daughter's early life. We've tried to make it work for 2 years, but now I believe the relationship is destructive and must end. I'm 26, living with toxic parents, buried in debt, facing possible court again without a car, and afraid of losing time with my daughter. I feel trapped and overwhelmed. What guidance would you give me to move forward and take

1:05responsibility without collapsing? [clears throat] Well, it's not we you just made like a noise of like um um you know, oh no, right? It's a lot. What are we going to do? It's a lot, right? But But But in my mind, I think of the the quote of like, "Hey, we're surrounded. Good. Now we we know where the enemy is,

1:32right? So, that's where you are, right? You're you're just surrounded on all sides. So, what you have to do is you have to s- begin to square your situation away. Right? This means you have to fix your immediate world that you are in. Now, to start off here with your daughter's mom, um I would be professional. Don't be emotional. Be polite, but you have to make a little bit of distance cuz you

1:58guys have got bad bad blood, right? There's bad There's bad emotions there. It's not good. We You have to say, "Hey, listen, I don't want to bother you anymore. Um I I I wish you the best." You You may may not even want to verbalize those things. You just start to act this way. Cuz if you say, "Hey, I don't want to bother you anymore." What do you mean you don't want to bother me? You don't want to see You just be like Just start to be more professional, non-emotional,

2:21and create a little bit of distance. Then what you have to do is you have to get a job. You have to work hard. You You have to get a job. I don't care if you get a job at Wendy's. I worked at Wendy's, right? You And if you work at Wendy's and you work hard, you will move up the chain of command. If you go to Home Depot and you get a job, you work hard, you'll move up the chain of

2:36command. You start making more money. You Like, this will happen. Don't buy anything stupid. Save your money. Uh you In order to save money, I hate to say this, you're probably going to have to continue to live with your what you call your toxic parents. I would just, you know, again, don't be overt about it, but just isolate yourself as much as you can with from them, right? So, you don't want to get caught up in their toxicity, but you want to live there. Cool. Go to your room. Try and spend time out You know, don't spend a bunch of time there. Spend job working overtime. Spend your time

3:04working overtime. Right? You got 40 hours a week? What? You can work You can work 80 hours a week. You can easily work 80 hours a week. Get overtime. Get two jobs. Whatever you got to do. Don't spend time in the house. Go to there to sleep. Isolate from them a little bit. Uh and in a little bit of time, you're going to have enough money to get a dirt place, you know, a dirt cheap place to live. That's fine. Let's say like rent a room from somebody for a few hundred

3:27bucks or something like that. During this time, you're going to talk to your daughter, you know, like when you can. Uh well, I don't know what kind of legal situation you're in with her, whether you're allowed to visit her, but you're going to follow the rules. You're going to stay positive, no negativity. You're not going to say anything negative about her mother. Not going to say anything negative about life. You're going to be

3:48concentrating on her. You know what? Does she care that you don't have money, that you don't have problems, that you or that you have problems, that you have this, you don't have a Does she care about any of that? Uh not as much as she cares about the fact that, you know, she's uh got crayons and this, you know, she's coloring a flower and you can help her color flowers, man. That's what you

4:05focus on with her. You do kid stuff with her. Let her world be bright and beautiful. You shelter her from the misery and the darkness of the world. That's what you do. That's what you That's what dads do. Continue your job at Wendy's or Home Depot or wherever you're working. Find some kind of a trade that you're interested in. Electrician, plumber, welder, carpenter, you find one of those things. What What one you're interested

4:30in? They're all cool jobs. It's all very gratifying to wire a place, to put plumbing in a place, to weld something together, to build a a house or whatever. And then once you figure out which one you're slightly interested in, you find one of those companies that does that and you go and get job there. So you're

4:47going to take a minimum wage pay. Whatever you're getting paid at Wendy's or getting paid at Home Depot, you're going to say, "Listen, I will do I will I will uh be labor for you. I'll do whatever you need me to do for minimum wage." And then you're going to bust your ass and you're going to keep saving money and you're going to keep you know, you're trying to pay off debts. I don't know if you're going to

5:05have enough money yet to pay off debts. Learn whatever skill it is, electrician, you're going to start to learn that. You're going to watch YouTube. You're going to You're going to read books about this stuff. You're going to go to the library, read books about being an electrician. Again, you're maintaining a positive relationship with your daughter cuz that's what we bring to our daughters, positivity and good and light and and

5:23and kid stuff and flowers and rainbows. That's what we bring to our kids. Our daughters. Pure positivity. Eventually, you figure out where you What qualifications you need to be a an electrician. What do you got to do? What's What do you need to do to get that piece of paper that says you're an electrician? You're going to pick go to

5:39that school. Cuz you saved your money. That's what you're saving your money for. You're You're continuing to work hard. You're not wasting any money. You're continuing to pay your debts. And you look up and in 3 years, and it's going to be a long hard 3 years, but in 3 years you're going to be in a relatively good

5:57situation. You're going to have a steady job. You're going to have an employer that appreciates you, that you show up early, that you stay late, that you work hard, that you're clean, that you do what you're supposed to do, you do it on time, you take the extra initiative. You you're going to have some money from that. You're going to have a marketable skill cuz you went and got that whatever that certification is. You're going to find a place to live. You'll have bought a

6:22a $2,800 vehicle that's fairly reliable. And you're now your daughter's five. She's not two anymore. And by the way, when she's between two, three, four, five, [snorts] she's not going to remember a lot of that stuff. So, that's why we're not work too worried about it. You look, you're a loving dad. You do you bring you bring the light when you

6:42can. But by the time 3 years from now, she's going to be five. And that's when she'll actually know and she'll remember and appreciate your interactions with her. And then you're slowly, with the permission of her mom, you're going to get a little bit more integrated with her. And you're going to continue to again, you're going to be always be professional. You're you're in a business relationship with you with her mom. That's what you are. Professional

7:05business relationship with her. No no emotions. No crazy. No

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