Congratulations on your breakup feat. Sarah Perl (Hot High Priestess)

0:00Hi guys, it's Chloe and Alexa and Sarah. Welcome back, Sarah. I'm so happy to be back. We loved recording with you so much that we were like, we have to do another round with Sarah. She's just the best. So good. If you haven't listened to the other episodes, this is Sarah Pearl. She's also known as the hot high priestess. She's very well known for her work with manifesting. She herself

0:22became a millionaire at the age of what? 23. 23. how she built herself up from nothing and we love to see it and we can't wait to talk to her all about more good stuff and how to do it today. I also want to talk about the fact that if you're watching this on video, which you should be, um I'm blending into the couch right now. I love how it's the exact same shade, too. It's so bad. We love a lion. We're going to get engagement from the clips just because of You know what? Sometimes you have to do stuff like this knowing that it's worth

0:53taking the bait. But this wasn't bland, FYI. This is just me and who I am putting my arms down now. Today we were discussing what to talk about and we figured that all three of us have literally propelled ourselves into a new level of our life after a breakup. So we wanted to talk about how to do that. How to use your heartbreak to manifest beautiful things to come in and replace the person that was once

1:20there. Manifest your heartbreak. Yes. And how to walk away too. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people are caught between two worlds where they see the pain of leaving as greater than the pain of staying the same. And so I think a lot of people really struggled to walk away. I'm curious how you guys have like come to the decisions previously to like break up with people. Um I probably up until pretty recently would just stay into in relationships until either they broke up with me or until it was like, "Oh, you've cheated on me." It's like, "Oh, things aren't good and now you've cheated on me." or things aren't good

1:52and now it just is never going to work out. Have you ever left a relationship that was like good but not it didn't feel right? Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I feel like those are the hardest. I feel those are impossible. Impossible. Yeah. Yeah. But not me, girl. I've waited till we hate each other to walk away because I can't I struggle with that. I struggle with letting something go that is okay because I know something better is out there. I think it's just the not wanting to let the universe unfold and give me something better because before that happens I have to go through pain. And I

2:25feel like that's how it is in most cases. Like I'm thinking about even like my weight loss. Like I think it took literally the moment I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself anymore for me to change. But I So on the way here I was listening to this podcast episode with Naval and he was like one of the traits he mentioned about himself was that he has the ability to walk away from something that's good but not great. I have done so much work to get to that point and it's so hard. It's so hard to like be in a situation that's so comfortable and I

2:51call it like the golden handcuffs where it's it's good but you're chained to something that you don't exactly want and it feels just wrong. Like I think when your intuition is like something just feels off, you have to listen to it. And by the way, Alexa, in our last episode we were talking about um one of the things you said you were like, I'm never going to silence that voice ever again. And when you said that, I was like about everything, not just like moving, but like relationships, it's if you silence that voice, it's going to

3:18keep getting louder and louder. Something that always rattles around in my brain whenever I feel like, do I want to stay in something? Whatever. The longer I keep that person in my life that's occupying who my partner is supposed to be. If there's somebody else in that place, my partner can't get to me. I'm single now. I'm not dating anybody. I know that I'm now in this place where I'm like, I know exactly what I'm looking for. I know how I want to be treated and who I would want to be in a relationship with. When that person

3:45arrives, I will have the space for them. There's not going to be somebody else that's like a maybe or like this is good or I'm scared of whatever. It's like it's literally holding there. There isn't physical room. Yes. For the person that's actually meant for you. It's also probably why I'm good at being single. But it's why I'm like if it's not amazing, if it's not, yes, this makes so much sense. Where has this been my whole life? Why would I give the role to somebody that isn't meant to play the

4:08part? Yes. Violet, when I was on her podcast, she mentioned like it's like a telephone. Back in the day when the line is busy, it's like you can't get through. I love what you said cuz it's so true. I'm like, that was such Now that you said that, I was like, it's literally making room for this person to come into my life. But you have to be okay with being alone is the thing. Oh my god. You have to be okay with being alone and you have to be okay with building a brand new life. That's why it's hard to walk away when things are good because you built

4:34out a whole life together. You have mutual friends. You probably have a place together. At the very least, you like have a home together in a way. But when you know you're meant for greater things or you're just meant for a more fulfilled relationship, it's like you got it. It's it's out there for you. Wow. Have you guys ever heard of the phrase, it's a business motto, higher slow, fire quick. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I don't know why we don't apply that to dating because if I could go back in time, I would have walked away sooner from relationships that I knew in my gut weren't working. But I felt the need to

5:08drag out to prove a point to myself that oh no, like I can make it work. And if I would have taken more time to vet these relationships or these people before I got into a relationship with them, I probably would have found myself in less relationships that didn't work out. So what if we dated slower, broke up faster, you know? And not to say that like we just need to start throwing in the towel on people or relationships that aren't working, but it's more so when you have that gut feeling and you know it's not your thing, listen to yourself and stop trying to silence the little voice

5:40that's like, "Hey." And that's just honoring yourself, too. And that's selfrespect. Mhm. Is even if it's not horrible, but it's not great. You know that you deserve more. You know that you have if you have more in your heart, then you deserve more. Like if you have that desire and it's whispering, you need to feed it. You have to support that. And you know what's crazy? I think my gut has always known from day one. I don't think there's been like sometimes it develops over time, but I feel like almost with every situation, even like work-wise, my gut knew day one that thing that my gut was telling me about

6:12that little voice in my head is the reason things ended in the end. And I wish I wish I went all in on my gut more so than I did on the potential of what could have happened in most cases, especially when it's like a red flag that you like consistently a pattern that consistently repeats itself. And Alexa, what you were saying about self-respect, I think I've just done so much work on loving myself. I was talking to someone recently and I was like, I think the meaning of like true love or a true healthy partnership, you love yourself so much and you know, okay, I want this. I deserve this and

6:45that person has that same outlook and when you come together it's like you guys are bettering yourselves and together you better each other in a way neither of you is sacrificing who what you want. Something that is coming to my head now cuz it's something that I've had to do now when I think of relationships friends is I almost look at myself as if I'm like my own agent like I'm in third person and I'm like this is what Alexa deserves. Alexa has done this much selfwork on herself. This is what's in Alexa's heart. this is what she values. This is how she shows up for

7:15people. Who gets to be with her? If you can take yourself out of it and say, "I love who I am. I love who I've grown myself to become." It's so hard when you really can stay firm in that to stay in things that aren't serving you. Because if you can actually pull out and say, "That's not in Alexa's best interest to do that. That person isn't treating

7:34Alexa well. That person is hurting her. Or that person doesn't understand how valuable she is. I don't want to be with somebody that doesn't look at Alexa and say, "I see everything you see in her and I'm going to protect that and I'm going to honor that and I'm going to love that." That's a prerequisite at this point. And I want to be able to do the same of the person that I choose to be with. Be able to look at them and

7:53say, "You deserve the person that I am. You deserve to be cherished and cared for and loved." Cuz I know how deep I can love somebody. I know how I can show up for people. And I want to be able to look at the person that I'm with and be so excited that I'm the person that gets to love them every day. Oh my god, that's so good. And you know what? That

8:10was actually why I broke up with my ex. And that's why your friends usually know before you that something's going to end or something isn't meant to because they are looking at it from a third person perspective. I just think the biggest thing that's holding a woman back is like they're waiting for the crisis.

8:23They're waiting for someone to cheat. They're waiting for whatever it is. But I think when your gut knows, that's enough of a reason. I saw someone say something similar on a TikTok a couple of months ago. She said that she was talking to her therapist about this. Her therapist was like, "He didn't need to cheat on you. He cheated you by not giving you X, by not giving you Y, by not giving you Z. All of the things that you expressed that you wanted or needed in a relationship. And if someone's falling short and you've communicated, that's enough. There doesn't need to be some major fallout crisis. You're

8:52allowed to walk away from people on good terms." Yes. Are you Are you guys friends with exes? No, I don't do that. There's people that I've gone on a couple dates with and I've been like, "You're a great person. This would never work out. Let's be friendly and friends, whatever. I have enough friends. I really do. I have enough friends. I don't need to be like, "My ex-boyfriend doesn't need to be at my [ __ ]

9:09birthday party." No, I'm okay on that. And I might eat my words one day and there might be somebody that is like wonderful that I date that I'm like, "This will never work out. Let's be friends." I don't know. Are you friends with exes? No. Well, with my most recent ex, I think we're like friendly. But I just I think once you cross a certain line, it's like you can't really change

9:26what the connection was in a way. Especially if you actually love the person, it's like it's hard. I tried to be friends with one of my exes once, but then people move on. Like, he got married, had babies. I'm not going to be like, "Hey, let's hang out." I know. Like, no. Do you want to my children? Yeah. Weird. I'm like, "Oh, what did you name him?" Like, so weird. I think if you were friends before and then you dated, if there was a friendship to start with, sure. But if there wasn't, y'all were never friends. If you were friends who dated and it didn't work

9:55out, okay, that's one thing. If you were not friends, why are you staying friends with your ex? I also just feel like someone's always going to have some sort of underlying something, even if it's not still love or like a desire to be together, just a little like little flicker of emotion that just maybe doesn't need to be. I also just already respect my future partner. I love the way you talk about your fe like I I love that. It's like you're manifesting them and I am that I know how that person moves in the world already. Like I know how they make people feel. I know how

10:23they treat people. I don't know who they are. Or maybe I do. Who knows? I might have met them. Who really knows? If they had their ex that they were still like hanging out with, I'd be like, "This isn't my favorite." Yeah. No, this actually doesn't work for me at all. This isn't my favorite. So, I just like not that I'm like changing my life for my future partner, but I don't want that in my life in my next relationship. I love that you're mentioning the future partner thing cuz I feel like that makes it so much easier to move on cuz you're like, "Okay, I need to make physical

10:47room for this person to come in." And that's also what grief is. Grief is love with no place to go. So that when you're going through your breakup and the grief is hitting you, it's like you just have to realize that like the love is coming. It's going to be a different love, you have to just be

11:01able to put love in different places. And you know, I think that's going to segue into the topic of how do you use heartbreak and grief as a place to catapult what you're really meant for. The first thing that you need to do when you're going through a breakup, too, is really analyze like all of the moments that feel really special to you. Break them down. Was it special because of

11:20them or was it special because of you? Were you making us special? Were there parts of you that were being brought out or that you were showcasing? A lot of the times, like when I was younger and I'd look back at breakups, I'd be like, "We had such an amazing road trip. Who planned the road trip?" I just think that a lot of the times in breakups, we're grieving parts of ourselves that come out when we're with someone else romantically. And those parts of yourselves are still there. They haven't gone anywhere. and all you need to do is like alchemize them into some other area of your life like your career. The way

11:51I've alchemized my breakups is like recognizing if I have the capacity to walk away from this, I have the capacity to walk away from anything. Honestly, I actually like fired a team member like very soon after my or right before very soon after my breakup. And I was like, you know what? It's just such a powerful feeling to walk away from something. I feel like when I was breaking up with my partner, like no one defended my decision because everyone was like, it's

12:15good. like why are you walking away? Like on paper it made no sense. And I think there's just not even enough discourse on that. Walking away from something simply because your gut says this is not your husband. For me it was like I was like picturing my future daughter and I was like this is not her

12:28dad. Yeah. Yeah. This is not her father. Huge part of something I talk about. Huge part. I think I said more in the sense of like relationships that were toxic, but this very much applies to relationships that are just good too. like is this the representation of what you want your daughter or your son to see of what you know real true love is and form their entire perception of what love is also and if it's just okay great it's not toxic it's not terrible but it's just okay I don't think that's good either I know so what were you thinking when you were thinking about your future daughter what was

13:04running through your head I was thinking about the only thing that was keeping me in that relationship ship was the like scarcity mindset of what if there's not someone better? What if this is the best? He treated me well, but I want someone more successful. I want someone more ambitious. I want someone who aligns with me intellectually. What if they don't exist? That was the only thing that was keeping me there. And I was like, I owe it to my future daughter to find a father who is as ambitious as his mother or her mother rather. I feel like my future daughter deserves the protection of a really successful man,

13:37too. Money is protection. I don't know, call me a gold digger, whatever, but like money is protection and I like that's something I really value in a relationship because I think money is just a physical manifestation of what people value and also like how much value they've exerted into the world. Not always obviously in whatever capacity and it doesn't have to necessarily be money. I think money is like something I prioritize just given my upbringing. I see it as a form of protection. Also, we don't like the term gold digger on the show. Yeah. No. And gold digger is not a self-made millionaire at 23. giving a [ __ ]

14:07sorry like okay well and that's the thing if I exist in the world then I feel like my male counterpart has to exist as well what it comes down to is I was like if I end up with someone who isn't as ambitious who isn't as successful then that means I have sacrificed more in life I have taken more risk I have done more than this person and that's just not fair to me it's not fair to 12-year-old Sarah who you know was working her [ __ ] ass off and like tutoring like it just it's so unfair to her. In that moment, I was like, "This is good, but this isn't as

14:40good as it gets. Don't let great hold you from excellent." So, how are we when we're when we've made the decision to be like, "This person just does not meet what I want for myself. Let me move on and start to go through the grieving process, which [ __ ] sucks. I'm literally terrified of breakups, truly." Like, people have nightmares about being

15:00lost at sea or like losing their teeth. I have nightmares about breakups. I You already lost your teeth. I've already lost my teeth. tell the story for another time. We've already told it. It's on the lore episode. Oh my god. How are you moving through the grief in a way that is not only just getting through it, but propelling yourself forward with it? I used my grief through breakups like a [ __ ] springboard. Like I would take anything that I could do to I don't not saying this is healthy, but to avoid feeling what I was feeling to get myself out of the house to go do something

15:37really cool and exciting that I felt passionate about. Like I needed something that lit my heart up on fire to minimize the pain that my heart was feeling. I just cry on the internet and use it for views. That's just me though. I made a Tik Tok series of when I accidentally moved to Paris. We'll do an episode on the Paris life because that was crazy. But every day I woke up and I documented what it was like as a heartbroken American living in Paris trying to like piece it back together and make it make sense. And well, you were supposed to go initially with your

16:04boyfriend. I was supposed to go with my boyfriend. He broke up with me. Supposed to go to Coachella together, too. I sold this ticket. I went by myself. So, I went to Coachella alone. And then I went to Paris. I was supposed to apartment swap with a girl and she was going to come to my apartment. I was going to go to hers. He broke up with me. I was like, I guess I'm going to Paris alone now. and it was supposed to be 3 weeks and I ended up staying for 3 months, coming home, getting a visa and moving back and that was the craziest thing

16:29ever. It was so fun and honestly it was the day, one of those days was the day I started being a happy person. So I used that heartbreak to [ __ ] journal, make these little videos that people really liked, but also like I figured out why I was so [ __ ] unhappy. For me, it's like I feel like breaking up with my ex was a reminder of how much I value myself and how much I love myself. I was like, "Wow, I did this really [ __ ] hard thing for me." Yep. For my future self, not even me today, for future me who's not even going to feel this

16:58immediate pleasure right now. I'm going to feel so much pain and I'm taking it on for her. For future me. And so like, yeah, I know. Taking it on for her. I like that. Like separating your future self from from you right now. Yeah. I saw myself from a third perspective and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] Wait, I have done so much work." Like this did not get handed to me. Right. In the same way that you like developed all these emotional skills and everything, it's like this took so much work and I genuinely just deserve to be with someone who has put in the same amount

17:27of effort to become an exceptional human being and they exist and I might not even see this person right now. I might not know of their existence. I might literally not believe they exist in the world. But like as with everything, it's so interesting how it's so easy to manifest in work, but like in love, it's like a different concept. And I'm like, wait, hold on. If I apply the same manifesting concepts, it computes. If I believe in something, even if I don't see it, even if it logically doesn't make sense, but if I believe in it hard enough for a long enough time, eventually becomes reality. Using my

18:00pain as profit, like using it for another idea, manifesting my dream body, alchemizing that pain. Pain is such a power. Oh my god, pain is such a powerful energy. It's also just a really hard emotion to truthfully access because anger is really cheap. Anger is the easiest emotion to access. It's so easy to be angry, but anger is a mask for sadness and grief. Grief is like scientifically the hardest emotion to access because it's so painful. But grief is the literal door to exploring everything you've ever wanted. It is the springboard. But then grief and anger is rage. Wow. Wait. Rage actually like isn't anger. Rage is grief. That's

18:38actually so true. But that's why when people are angry and when people are it's like just it's a cheap feeling. Like it's a cheap emotion. I don't want to be angry about anything anymore. I don't really get angry about a lot of things anymore. I get rageful. I would rather be sad and be alone than be angry at my boyfriend all the time. But anger is also fleeting. Exactly. Like when you think about all the best songs, what are they about? Love. Love. Love. They're about deep human emotions and connections. When you think about poetry, when you think about books, when you think about movies, not that the

19:10whole world revolves around love, but the world does revolve around love and grief and heartbreak because it's literally the only point of being a human being is to feel and to experience. I don't know about you guys, but every time I break up with someone and I become single again, it feels like a chapter of my life is starting. Like I feel like I define my life by my breakups. Now that I'm looking back on it, I could like create a story of my life based on those moments alone, which is so interesting. What does that say

19:34about the relationships that we're in? If the things defining us, like the chapters defining us are the breakups. When you enter a relationship with someone, it stagnates you at the level that you're at in that moment. Do you agree with that? I think it's every relationship I've been in, and that is something that I've written that's important to me in my next relationship that it's somebody that constantly propels me to grow, constantly leveling me up. That's exactly it. And that's why I broke up with my ex because I didn't feel like he inspired me to grow. I also felt like growing was wrong in a lot of

20:02the relationships that I've been in in my life. Wanting to be like encouraged and pushed. I almost felt like whenever I felt very ambitious, I couldn't be in a relationship because my partner was going to either envy it or resent me for it. I I dated a guy who was amazing, but I had a really really good year in work and he had a really really bad year in work and that's what cost us the relationship. He he could not stand the fact that I wanted more. It's like you want to grow with someone like that. I think that's actually now that you mentioned it, I'm like that's probably

20:28the one quality that is missing in so many of my relationships in the past. And it's interesting cuz I feel like I've been in situationships that have grown me more than some of my relationships. That makes sense. And my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. And the only reason why it's lasted so long is because we've grown together. When we first started dating, he was very much like someone who was still going out all of the time and like on the scene. And I was locked the [ __ ] into what I was doing. And I was like, "Hey, what's your plan?" And he was

20:54like, "Oh, wait. what is my plan? And then got a [ __ ] plan together. And not everybody does that. There's times where I've been I've stopped growing and he's been like, "Hey, gotta keep it up, you know?" And like having that dynamic is the the game changer because you're always going to grow. You're never going to be like 60 and you're like, "I'm done. I'm good." Like you're going to keep growing whether that's financially in your career or that's just you evolving as a human being. And if your partner is stagnant and when you tap them and say, "Hey, remember what we're doing here." and they don't get their

21:24head back in the game of evolving as a soul. There's there's going to be a break. And I think that's why it's so important to have the same end goal in mind with your partner. Like you guys have to be on the same mission, you know, and you have to both believe it's possible, too. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys have to both want it. Cuz I feel like that was another thing. Like I feel like I'm just like doing therapy in this. No, I love

21:45that this episode. But no, it's so true. Wow. If you're with somebody and you like I know you have huge dreams and I know they'll all come to fruition for you, but if you're with a guy who just doesn't really believe that for himself and you know it whether or not they're saying it, you can just tell by their self-belief. I do believe it like slows your growth down or drags you down cuz

22:08you almost feel guilty. Yes. Oh my god. And I think it's just we are the sum of the people we spend our time around. Your boyfriend's the person you're with the most. You're engulfed in everything they do. And you know what's interesting? I feel like we're all the kind of people that believe in other people's success more than they see it in themselves, like constantly. And so I think it's really hard to be with someone who can't envision that for me as well. I see it and I see it for you more than you see it for yourself. It has to be mutual there. 100%. I want to

22:33be with someone who believes in my goals more than I believe it. Like you're blocking my manifestations, sir. Stop. Get out of the way, please. What would you say like takeaway if someone is going through the trenches right now of a breakup? What are things that you would what are things you've been doing for yourself to manifest life after the breakup? Honestly, for me, it's been so easy to manifest. And so, what's crazy is, and I I have been speaking about this, this is huge, is that um throughout the entirety of my relationship, I had that voice in the back of my head that was saying, "This

23:04is not your husband." I knew from day one, and I silenced it because I was treated very well. I've been asking for princess treatment, whatever. But I knew in the back of my head, "This was not my husband." And I kept silencing that voice and silencing that voice until what I didn't know. You also don't know what you don't know. What I didn't realize was I was silencing my intuition entirely. Like when I tell you guys, I didn't even realize how out of touch with my reality I have been. Like down to like the fact that I didn't know if I wanted to live in LA, if I wanted to

23:31move. I'm not an indecisive person, but I became an indecisive person because I couldn't hear my intuition. Because when you silence your intuition on one thing, you will silence it entirely. And the second I broke up with him, the second, first of all, my dreams have been incredibly vivid. I haven't dreamt in months when I was dating him. Weird. Like, I didn't even realize that cuz again, like you just don't know what you don't know. And then all of a sudden, first of all, I'm like super tapped into source. Like, I'm feeling callings to do

24:00things that I didn't feel callings to. And I think it's just the nature of like you're so interconnected with someone that your desires and their desires start to merge together. if that isn't in alignment, like you're constantly hitting a wall. So, like as soon as I I think the biggest piece of advice I have is like you don't know what you don't know. And it won't be until you break up with that person that you're going to realize how unconnected to your intuition you've been cuz you might not even know. Like I think so we should just say congratulations on your breakup. Like literally. So

24:32congratulations on your breakup. Literally congratulations to everyone if anyone's going through a breakup. You're going to you're going to get out on the other side. I promise you. I also feel like everyone's going through a breakup right now. Like it's breakup season. It is. It always is before the summer. Venus retrograde everything. Thank you so much for sharing. We can't wait to have you one again. No. My gosh, I love you guys so much. Tell everyone where they can find you. You can find me at Hot High Priestess on Instagram, Tik Tok, and The Priestess Perspective on podcast. And we are doing an episode little pod swap moment. I love those. I

25:07know you guys do too. Definitely check out her pod though. It's so good, you guys. And give us give us five stars. Read the podcast. Five stars. Please give us five stars. Priest's perspective. Five stars. Yeah. Give her five stars first. Love you. I'm you.